Flixens - Comic Book News

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Hello from BEYOND THE GRAAAAVEEEE!!!!

How About A Knuckle "Sand"wich?

Thu, 09 Nov 2006 21:34:01 -0800

Ahhh, I'm looking forward to this pun fest. The trailer leaves me feeling that we are going to get Venom's appearance only in the final act instead of terrorizing Spidey for two hours. And if someone can tell me how Uncle Ben gets mysteriously killed by the Sandman instead of that burglar guy, I'd love to listen to this revisionist history. Next thing you know LL Cool J is going to be Peter Parker's brother.

"Moon Knight" Shines on TV

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 10:58:01 -0700

Way back in April, Jenny From Canada reviewed the debut issue of Marvel's Moon Knight reboot. She liked it, so she'll probably like this news...

Marvel Entertainment Inc. has announced that it will be bringing the adventures of Moon Knight to television with a live-action series, in conjunction with Larry Sugar of Vancouver-based No Equal Entertainment.

Moon Knight tells the story of Marc Spector, a soldier-of-fortune turned superhero after an encounter with the Egyptian God of Venegance and the moon god Konshu. His first appearance was in the original Werewolf By Night series where his silver weapons inflicted their anti-lycanthropic effects on Jack Russell's lupine alter-ego. In his new series, Moon Knight is sort of a cross between Batman, Fox Mulder, and Karl Kolchak.

"'Moon Knight' has all the elements for an engaging television series. No Equal Entertainment has a real passion for the project and an amazing vision of how to bring the character and storyline to life that will appeal to action and sci-fi enthusiasts," said Marvel's David Maisel.

Sugar added, "We are delighted to be in business with Marvel Entertainment and believe that 'Moon Knight' will make a compelling and long-lasting television series."

Let's hope it does better than Blade.

Ghost Beautician Trailer Online

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 07:50:17 -0700

The darkness of these Ghost Rider trailers appeal to me, but what is up with everyone's hair? The Nick Cage skull cap/caesar 'do creeps me out altogether. At least it is good to see Wes Bentley attached to a big theatrical release again. His time has yet come.

"Justice League Heroes" Redefines RPGs

Thu, 28 Sep 2006 13:04:38 -0700

I'm just as excited as the next Marvel fan about the Marvel Universe Online news, since I've played City of Heroes while pretending I was already in the Marvel Universe. I know, it's sad... I'm a grown woman, mother of three... pathetic. But still, it's so much more fun than going out to the meat market bars to meet drunken men who spout really bad pick-up lines while breathing their beer breath on you and digging into the munchies bowl after they came out of the bathroom and you just KNOW they didn't wash their hands...

But I digress...

For those DC fans out there suffering from hero-envy about the Marvel news, don't fret... your day in the sun will come, and sooner than Marvel's game too.

SciFiWire has an article about the new Justice League Heroes video game, saying how the producers, Warner Brothers Interactive Entertainment have designed the next generation of role-playing games, so much so that they've stopped referring to this as an RPG. The game will also feature all of the major DC characters, such as Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter and Zatanna, as well as the unlockable superheroes Aquaman, Green Arrow and Hawkgirl.

Some of the recognizable voices in the game come from Ron Perlman (Hellboy) as Batman, Crispin Freeman (Slayers) as Superman, Michael Jai White (Spawn) as Green Lantern and Carlos Alazraqui (Reno 911) as The Key. In the game, a meteor plummets toward Earth, sending messages to Brainiac and encouraging him to attack. There is a secret message hidden in the watchtower of the Justice League headquarters that Brainiac needs to find.

The game will be released in October for Playstation 2, Xbox, PSP, GameBoy Advance and Nintendo DS, and a prequel comic has already been released, and offshoot titles on the Nintendo platforms are being developed as well.

Marvel Universe Online!

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 12:56:23 -0700

Marvel Entertainment, Inc. today announced that game developer Cryptic Studios will be bringing the Marvel Universe online in a MMORPG exclusively for Xbox 360 and Windows Vista users. The press release says:

Today Marvel Entertainment, Inc. announced further details around its eagerly awaited project based on the Marvel universe of Super Heroes. Marvel Entertainment confirmed that Cryptic Studios has been named the developer of "Marvel Universe Online," the highly anticipated massively multiplayer online (MMO) video game exclusive to Xbox 360 and Windows Vista and to be published by Microsoft Game Studios.

"The huge Marvel fan base has been eagerly awaiting new information on our massive multiplayer online game," said David Maisel, Executive Vice President, Office of the Chief Executive, Marvel Entertainment. We are proud to have a premiere developer such as Cryptic Studios who has had such incredible success in the online gaming world developing this game. Marvel, Microsoft and Cryptic are committed to creating the definitive interactive Marvel universe experience via this massive multiplayer online game."

"The vision behind the alliance of Microsoft Game Studios, Cryptic Studios and Marvel is to expand the MMO genre and create an epic gaming experience exclusively for Xbox 360 and Windows Vista gamers to experience together online," said Shane Kim, corporate vice president of Microsoft Game Studios. "Cryptic Studios is widely respected for their established track record of innovation and understanding of the MMO space, and they are a perfect fit for the creation of the best possible experience in 'Marvel Universe Online.'"

"As an independent developer, Cryptic Studios has the freedom to make games and forge partnerships that we are truly passionate about," said Michael Lewis, president of Cryptic Studios. "Cryptic Studios and Microsoft Game Studios share a common vision for online gaming and commitment to quality titles. Together with Marvel we will create a new exciting game that captures the uniqueness of the Marvel IP."

Cryptic Studios brings a history of excellence in MMO design and best-of-breed community support to the development of "Marvel Universe Online." "Marvel Universe Online" will unite gamers in a cross-platform experience, allowing for Xbox 360 and Windows Vista users to play alongside one another.

Marvel's repertoire of Super Heroes have evolved from the pages of comic books to become driving forces in entertainment, from the silver screen to television shows and best-selling video games, including "Spider-Man," "X-Men" and "The Hulk" franchises. As part of an MMO gaming experience, "Marvel Universe Online" players will be able to interact simultaneously in a truly unique atmosphere featuring all their favorite Marvel characters, creatures and villains.

ABC Fall Schedule Beg-a-thon.

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 15:30:46 -0700

Because we at Flixens are well on our way to becoming digusting corporate sell-outs, I have been chosen to be the architect of our newest contest. So below you will find the info on three of ABC Television's most promising Fall dramas, and more importantly, you will read my baseless commentary for each one. This is compulsary and trying to fight it will only delight me more.

So here's how the contest is going to work. I have four items from ABC Television that I am giving away. But what those items are will not be revealed until the contest is complete.

So here is what you must do. I want your to beg for these items. Send you begging (200 words or less) to leather@flixens.com. I will choose a winner in each of four categories: Most Disgusting, Most Humiliating, Most Sincere, and Best Over All. Rated X entries are allowed, but might be edited. Be sure to include your full name and address so we know where to send the swag. Your information will be kept completely private.

Winners will be announced on Friday October 13th, and the four winners will have their begging published right here. And their special prizes will be revealed. I am sure there will be a lot of gloating when the winners see what they get.

And now on to Leather Lass's ABC Fall Preview! And to see some nice Hi-Res pictures of the cast, click on the smaller graphic.

SIX DEGREES

Premiere Date:
Thursday, September 21, 2006

Official Site:
http://www.u-r-connected.com

YouTube Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/ABCPrimeTime

Cast:
Jay Hernandez (Friday Night Lights), Erika Christensen (Flightplan), Bridget Moynahan (Sex and the City), and Hope Davis (About Schmidt)

Synopsis: It's said that six people separate any one person from another. Considering the millions of people in the United States alone, it's an amazing thought that we're connected to anyone and everyone by a chain of six.

Laura, a grieving single mother, begins the chain. Then to Whitney, the self-made success story who thinks her boyfriend is cheating. Move on to Steven, the artist/photographer who believes he's lost his 'eye.' Follow with Damian, who can't escape his criminal brother's shadow. Then to Mae, the girl with a dangerous past she's hiding from. And finally to Carlos, the good guy with a crush who doesn't know what he's in for.

These six strangers are going about their normal lives but not realizing the impact they're having on each other - yet. It's a mysterious web of seeming coincidence and happenstance that draws these people closer to those who will change their lives forever. Even decisions made freely will seem part of a larger design begging the question if there is a greater force at work in our world, guiding us along and connecting our lives.

The producers of Lost and Alias create an intriguing tale of intertwined strangers. It's a story that will prove just how small the world really is and how someone just five people away could be shaping your future right now.

My thoughts? Well I actually set my DVR to record the premier, which has already passed, and for some reason the DVR didn't record it. So this tells me one of two things. Either my DVR knows something I don't, or modern technology is still wrought with issues I am not intelligent enough to solve. Abrams always manages to really produce an incredible pilot episode, and the idea behind this series is definitely interesting.

THE NINE

Premiere Date:
Wednesday, October 4, 2006

Official Site:
http://www.onlytheyknow.com

YouTube Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/ABCPrimeTime

Cast:
Tim Daly (Wings), Chi McBride (Boston Public), and Scott Wolf (Party of Five)

Synopsis: So much in life is beyond your control. One day you wake up and go to work like a regular day. Suddenly a random moment, an accident, a blessing, even a stranger, comes from out of the blue and redirects your life forever. But it's up to you to decide if that moment will stop you in your tracks or lift you up to new heights.

Today nine people face just such an unexpected twist when they are caught in a bank robbery gone wrong and endure a 52-hour hostage standoff that will leave two persons dead. When all is said and done, these nine people will never be the same. They will always share the common bond of what happens inside the bank...which only they'll know. And they will be forever affected and intertwined because of it.

From the creator of Without a Trace and an executive producer of The West Wing comes a dramatic character study that will keep audiences hooked from the beginning of the bank robbery to the end of the hostage standoff. Taking a twist from Lost, each episode will begin with a flashback to reveal another 10 minutes of the hostage crisis, uncovering why and how these nine strangers are still linked today.

My thoughts? Well I have a Leather Lass confession to make. I have seen just about everything Tim Daly has ever been in. Even that rank Night of the Comet movie. I think he's adorable, and if he was open to it, I would love to tie him up and pluck his nose hairs out with force. Much like Lost, this show apparently centers on a larger mystery and revolves around flashbacks. One of the really weird things about this show is that it features John Billingsley, who was the president's supposedly dead brother on Prison Break last season (he has sense been recast), and more alarming? Yeah, that's Audrey Raines from 24. So consider the existence of this show as some kind of mild spoiler.

KNIGHTS OF PROSPERITY

Premiere Date:
Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Official Site:
http://www.jointheknights.com

YouTube Channel:
http://www.youtube.com/user/ABCPrimeTime

Cast:
Lenny Venito, Josh Grisetti, Maz Jobrani, Sofia Vergara, Donal Logue, Kevin Michael Richardson

Synopsis: For almost 20 years, Eugene Gurkin (Donal Logue) has dreamt of opening a bar, but his dead end job on the late, late janitorial shift won't even fund a bottle of premium booze. In the wake of a co-worker's death, he catches an episode of television. Call it divine intervention, call it a dumb idea, but whatever it is takes hold of Eugene and soon he recruits a group of misfits into his "gang" for a heist to finance their dreams. The target: Mick Jagger's super-luxe Central Park West apartment. Working together, this band of adorable, new-age Robin Hoods, who have never even shoplifted a candy bar, are soon casing the joint and prepping for their crime. What they don't know is that there's a much richer target for them...the chance to find hope, self-esteem and confidence within themselves.

My thoughts? I have none. The premise does nothing for me and the inclusion of Mick Jagger is just strange. Further, he must know something we don't Jagger was supposed to actually be a regular on the show, but he scaled back his appearances. Guess he chose not to be their Beast of Burden this time.

EXCLUSIVE! First Look At Silver Surfer!

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 18:02:22 -0700

Yeah so AICN broke some story about Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Apparently, the producers are going the Ben Grimm route in creating the character. They are totally going to go with practical effects and stuff, which to me is kind of lame. I liked Ben Grimm in the first movie even though that costume was a bit hard to take, but I mean, haven't digital effects places been doing Silver Surfery looking stuff since like 1980? I mean how much would it cost to create a human and then be all FINISH: MIRROR! And then bam. You have yourself a Silver Surfer.

Anyway, click on the pic above to see how the Surfer MIGHT look. And to all who were fooled into coming here because I am a lying scoundrel. Nyah! My favorite part of the fake pic? It looks like Norin Radd might be scratching his pooper.

Marvel Talks Live-Action Avengers

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 07:09:43 -0700

Back in August, if you remember, I told you about Marvel's upcoming film slate, including an Avengers movie written by Zak Penn. At the time, it wasn't decided if the film would be live action or CG-animated. My guess was that they would go with the latter, because of the logistics involved with actors reprising their roles and what not.

But Marvel executives gave another presentation yesterday to Wall Street analysts at the Merrill Lynch Media & Entertainment Conference in Pasadena, California, where they came right out and said that the plan is to create a live-action Avengers movie, presumably after movies featuring the individual members of the Avengers (i.e. Iron Man, Captain America, Ant Man, Thor, Hulk, etc.) were produced. They did not say which characters would be featured on the Avengers team, but it's a good bet based on the upcoming film line-up that the team will be fairly close to its "classic" make-up, as seen in The Ultimates, which Marvel has already capitalized on for its Ultimate Avengers direct-to-DVD animated films.

Marvel is TOTALLY psyched about its new $525 million film facility, and the ability to produce its own films featuring its own characters the way it wants. David Maisel, vice chairman of Marvel Studios and executive VP of production indicated that the studio would likely no longer be in the business of licensing out its characters to other studios, instead taking the reigns themselves.

This means of course, they'll have no one to blame but themselves if the movies suck, but at the same time it does perhaps heighten their sense of responsibility for turning out a good project.

Think of the children, Avi... think of the children.

Marvel Floats Mostow for "Sub-Mariner"

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 06:08:04 -0700

Jonathan Mostow has beat out all the other fish in the sea to land the directing gig for Universal's Sub-Mariner feature film, to be produced by Marvel Studios, according to the Hollywood Reporter. In addition, he will also write the script.

Interesting news... we'll see if this jogs the CW network to launch the Aquaman series after the pilot failed to get picked up this season.

Mostow is probably best know to audiences as the director of Terminator 3 (and who is rumored to be attached to Terminator 4?) which, like the Ratner-directed X-Men 3, wasn't as great as its predecessors, but wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. He also directed the submarine flick U-571 and the creepy, paranoidal Breakdown.

Sub-Mariner of course is one of Marvel's oldest characters, a.k.a. Namor, Prince of Atlantis. His first appearance was by artist Bill Everett way back in April of 1939. His portrayal in the comic books has always flip-flopped between good guy and bad guy. Namor's "bad guy" trend has never been out of a desire to be evil, but more a reaction to the human's way of polluting the oceans and destroying undersea life. He is perhaps one of the first (and best known) anti-heroes in comic books.

The angle for the feature film will be young man discovering he actually is a prince from Atlantis, with him turning out to be the key man in a brewing war between the underwater world and the modern surface world. This sounds somewhat similar to the angle used by the Aquaman pilot. An early draft of the screenplay was written by David Self, back when Chris Columbus was attached to direct back in 2004, but the producers felt that Mostow developed a take that found the core of the character.

"We want to show our first hero, and still most unique hero, in a world that the audience has never seen before," said Kevin Feige, overseeing for Marvel. "But that spectacle will be tempered with character. Our hero is caught between two worlds. That is the heart of the story, and it is that dichotomy that makes him so interesting."

No word on casting yet. While I've always felt that Hugo Weaving has the perfect look for Namor, there has been a persistent rumor (going back to 2003) that The Rock will play the part of Namor, and while nothing has been confirmed, I did find this little picture that someone whipped up in Photoshop that has me convinced he could pull it off. The more I think about it, the more I believe that The Rock has the on-screen charisma to make the typically cranky Namor likeable.

Greatest Costume Ever Returns Next Year to Spider-Man

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 17:01:21 -0700

Have you seen that really stupendously cool Gap commercial with Audrey Hepburn being all thin and dancy and stuff? If you haven't you should really check it out and maybe I will provide a link to it here. But the commercial is all about announcing the return of the thin black pant! So if you want to look like a beatnik or any other kind of -nik, then by all means buy them from the Gap, but whatever.

That was a really poor transition to what I really wanted to talk about, right? See coming this February another long in mothballs black costume is going to be back in fashion. I am calling this one the Thin Black Spider Pant! Yeah Spider-Man is going to be swinging uptown with his classic black and white duds he totally stole from the Secret Wars planet. BUT there's a catch.

Over at something or other, Joe Quesada, the talented but annoying Editor in Chief at Marvel, has indicated it might not be Peter Parker behind the mask. This could be a way of transitioning out of this crazy world where Peter Parker actually got on television and told everyone he was Spider-Man. I dunno. And also, I doubt this will be the gooey black costume that Venom has raunched up for the last decade with his EXTREME DROOL ACTION. Anyway Quesada's hints and accusations tire my soul, but irregardless, the black costume is coming back. Click on the pic to see the cover of Spider Man #529 and wallow in it's beautiful and simplistic glory and read more about the return of the costume here.

Oh No! You Got Your Whedon in My 'Runaways'!

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 16:45:06 -0700

Have all you good little childrens been reading Runaways? Because if you haven't you totally suck. I got the hardback of the series first run for Christmas this year from my comic geeky friend Jeff. He said I would be totally into it because the characters talk like me. I still don't know what the heck he's talking about, but I did so love the story. You see Runaways is about a group of teenagers who discover their parents are all into psycho super villainy, and they, like, run away. But they are also super heroes themselves... kind of. I dunno how to rightfully describe it, but heed my words! The comic is really good.

So Runaways was created by Brian K. Vaughn and Adrian Alphona, but the sucky thing is is that they are bolting with issue #24. Oh I guess I should say Runaways is on it's second series right now, and it's probably being sold in trades if you don't have it already. So run and buy buy buy!. Yeah so Vaughn and Alphona are leaving and considering they are responsible in large part to how much this book rocks my panties on a consistent basis, I am rightfully bummed. Or I WAS rightfully bummed. Until today!

You see there just so happens to be another really good writer working over at Marvel right now who is going to be finishing up his run on a well liked comic book that features Kitty Pryde kicking all kinds of derrier. That comic is Astonishing X-Men and that writer is world reknowned geek provisioner, Joss Whedon. Yeah Joss Whedon. He's the guy that created Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Faith the Vampire Slayer, Angel the Vampire with a Soul, Amy Acker and that weird Firefly show.

So let me state this clearly. Whedon is going to be leaving Astonishing X-Men to go and write Runaways. Yeah! So if you actually read runaways and maybe seen some Buffy (shut up DougieOnline) then you know how perfect these two tastes that will taste great together will be and all. You can read more about it HERE.

Contest: Win Elektra!

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 14:20:30 -0700

Okay everyone... Who's ready for a contest??

Flixens is proud to pair up with Sideshow Collectibles to offer the winner of the contest a Sideshow Exclusive Elektra Premium Format figure (a $300 value), which you can see in the picture to your left. You can also click here for a larger view and more information.

SIDESHOW EXCLUSIVE EDITION

Exclusively available from Sideshow Collectibles, the Elektra "Assassin Resurrected" 1/4-Scale Premium Format Figure comes complete with white hand-tailored assassins outfit, as seen in the 1990 Marvel® Comics graphic novel, 'Elektra Lives.'

From the pages of the Elektra comic comes this quarter-scale Premium Format figure of one of comic's most beloved yet infamous heroines. Elektra is outfitted in the exclusive edition white costume, complete with flexible wire inserts stitched into the lining. Elektra is armed with her trademark Sais, cast in real metal. Poised for action, preparing to spring forward and attack, this Premium Format figure captures the spirit of Elektra, as deadly as she is beautiful. The detailed base includes the Elektra logo, along with signature and edition number printed on the base bottom.

So how does one go about winning this bad girl? Here's what you have to do. First off, the contest is only open to registered users. You MUST register for an account (registration is FREE) for a chance to win. Why? Because we're going to run this publicly on the comment boards, and the only way to win is to post a comment, and the only way to comment is to sign up for a User ID.

Once you have signed up, log in and reply to this story with a description of your favorite comic book heroine, and why. The Flixens will determine who we think has the best answer and is therefore most deserving winner. Feel free to express your innermost thoughts, but be prepared to be lambasted by others... it's the Way of the Web. But who knows... your stark vulnerability might be just what it takes to bring this baby home to her rightful place on your shelf.

Please do not include your personal information in your post. We will contact the winner via email to get the shipping information.

So... Have at it, and good luck! You have until September 22nd!

And now, the disclaimers from Sideshow Collectibles...

Delivery for the contest winner:
** The winner must allow 4-6 weeks after announcement of win to receive the product. To get the latest news from Sideshow Collectibles, join our Newsletter!

Delivery time & Restrictions:
All continental US orders are shipped FedEx ground service. Because FedEx cannot provide tracking numbers for P.O. Boxes, Sideshow Collectibles will no longer ship to a P.O. Box. Please provide your street address or your shipment will be delayed. For FedEx Ground deliveries, please allow up to 6 business days for delivery from the date your order is shipped.

All taxes are the responsibility of the winner. All prizes are non-transferable, with no cash redemptions and/or substitutions except at Sponsor's sole discretion. All international winners will be responsible for any duties, tariffs, taxes or import fees assessed to their prize. Further some countries outside of the U.S. do not have reliable mail services. In the event that a prize has been stolen or mishandled during shipment to an international destination, Sideshow may not be able to replace the specific item and will substitute a prize at its own discretion. If the winner prefers a specific quicker shipping method, they are responsible to notify us immediately and will also be responsible to cover the additional costs if any.

Marvel Stamps? 'Nuff Said!

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 13:40:24 -0700

A few weeks ago Nina talked about the DC Universe stamp series from the United State Postal Service, which made many DC fans say "ooooh!" and many Marvel fans say "awwwww!"

When DC announced their stamps, Marvel said "no wait, we're gonna do stamps too!" but nobody really paid any attention. "Put up or shut up," is the unwritten law of the geek community.

Well, Marvel has finally annouced WHICH Marvel Universe stamps they will be releasing, and they will follow the same pattern as the DC stamps, namely, character singles matched with their associated comic book covers. The preliminary list (subject to change, mind you) from Newsarama is this:

Spider-Man	Amazing Spider-Man #1
The Incredible Hulk	Incredible Hulk #1
Sub-Mariner	Sub-Mariner #1
The Thing	Fantastic Four #3
Captain America	Captain America #100
Silver Surfer	Silver Surfer #1
Iron Man	Iron Man #1
Elektra	Daredevil #176
Wolverine	X-Men #1
Spider-Woman	Marvel Spotlight #32

I'll admit, I'm a bit surprised at the list. No Thor, for example? To be fair, DC has it easy... just throw the Justice League on there and you're done... but the Marvel Universe proves to be much richer in characters to choose from, let's be honest.

I also understand the need to pay heed to the Marvel movies, both past, present, and planned, i.e. Sub-Mariner, Silver Surfer. You have to go with what the public is familiar with. Which makes me all the more surprised to see Spider-Woman on the list, as opposed to one of the more familiar Marvel heroines. I suppose Sue Storm is out, if you're going to already include The Thing and Silver Surfer from Fantastic Four mythology. And the Scarlet Witch is probably out due to Middle America being all weird about anything even remotely pagan. And Black Widow is out because, even though Middle America loves its guns, she's a Russkie. But what about The Wasp? That could help them capitalize on their Ultimate Avengers animated film series, perhaps. Or any of the other ladies from the X-Men? Although I guess they're trumped by Wolverine. Hmmm....

Well, like I said, the list is subject to change. Oh, and how clever was it to use that picture of Stan Lee as Willie Lumpkin, the Fantastic Four's postman? LOL!

Fantastic Four 2 Erects a New Title

Thu, 17 Aug 2006 07:21:17 -0700

We've been keeping you relatively up-to-date with news on the Fantastic Four sequel, directed by Tim Story and starring all of the principals from the first film, including Julian McMahon as Dr. Doom.

Now, SuperHeroHype confirms that the title for the film has changed from the bland Fantastic Four and the Silver Surfer to the slightly naughty Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Naked bald guy... stiff board... too much phallic imagery! Maybe it's just me... it HAS been a while. Did I mention I work long hours?

What I really want to know is... what kind of rise can the Surfer have? He doesn't have much in the way of equipment down there... as in "eunuch."